If you’re not familiar with the streets I’m talking about, the best way I can think of to describe the depressing lameness of this route is to pretend you drove down a busy strip of car dealerships and Arby’s restaurants, drove over someone’s lawn, made a detour through a strip mall, and then got dropped off in hell. All while someone on a headset microphone pretended like the tire fires and AIDS piles you were looking at were the Taj Mafuckinghal. There is a sinking feeling in my stomach as we keep driving further and further west because I know that the further out we go means we’ll have to spend at least that much time coming back. No one told me how long this tour actually was before it started, but it turns out it’s forever hours.
The One Where I Take the TMZ Tour of Hollywood
This is actually really funny/depressing to read.